Yesterday I was working on my new play, “Accidental Mummies” and took time out to watch this TED talk by Jackson Kahn. Wow, so inspiring! And just as we are moving forward with an Off-Broadway production of “Asking For It.” Kahn started the “Bystander” project which encourages men to be leaders in their peer groups when it comes to changing the culture of gender violence against women and children and other men – to speak out as one would do when hearing racist or homophobic remarks. He starts out by thanking women who stand up and speak out in spite of being called man-haters and “feminazis,” etc. (which I have to say, has intimidated me) It has been very frustrating waiting for things to come together for AFI to gain traction and reach a wider audience. I released it a few months ago, unwilling to spend one more minute of energy on it. I figured it’s time had passed. There was enough said on the subject, but one of the most powerful moments out of many shared with audience members was when a young man told us after seeing the show that he hadn’t realized until then that he had been guilty of date rape. Unfortunately things haven’t improved that much. Things are terrible in the military, on college campuses, everywhere. It is going to take such an effort on the part of everyone to bring about change. I am feeling re-committed. This is an exciting time to be holding our brothers’ hands and jumping in. Check it out.

http://www.upworthy.com/a-ted-talk-that-might-turn-every-man-who-watches-it-into-a-feminist-its-pretty-fantastic-7?c=upw1

It’s a very emotional time. So much change. I just went back to seminary to immerse myself in Interspiritual counseling studies, which goes beyond Interfaith and into the territory of soul – before we were introduced to religion. It’s bringing up a lot of heretofore undiscovered truth for me. At the same time I’ve started work on a new project and we’re probably moving. Plus I’m trying to establish a presence on social media to get the word out about the book. “Asking For It” has a lovely and talented intern, Rebecca Reimbolt, and Heliotrope Books has the amazing PR person, Nancy Moon, and the trick is that I have to supply them with tweets and posts and tumbles and blogs,

then there’s my homework for counseling and the research for my new project, “Accidental Mummies,” and my day job and certainly not least my family. So tonight I am going to help the grandkids with homework, reading, and bedtime before I hit the gym. Yogi, my dog, is in love. Spring is in the air and life is good.

I started to write last week after reading an article by feminist author Jessica Valenti in the Nation where she states that “Americans are very confused about rape.” She feels that rather than having needed dialogue about how to stop rape, a lot has been said about trying to “understand” the rapist. I immediately felt guilty (in an old Catholic School way) because I do want to understand – not to excuse them, but to get at the root of the problem, thinking that might help stop it. Since viewing the Steubenville, Ohio video, what’s been sticking in my mind was the teen-age boy who asked “What if it was your daughter?” The laughing hyena didn’t miss a beat. He went right on making sick jokes about the young unconscious victim while the rest of them laughed and egged him on. Where does that cruelty come from?
For me and I would imagine, a lot of people who’ve experienced rape, that was a big question asked in the fury of the attack, “What if I was your _____ fill in the blank, For me it was sister, daughter, mother, aunt. My expectation in the moment was that those words would at least make the rapist relate to the possibility, feel some empathy, and stop.
Maybe it’s the actor in me looking for the motivation, trying to understand a character. I appreciate what Jessica Valenti is saying but at least we’re talking about it now. If we all approach things in our own unique ways from many different angles maybe we can come up with some ways of stopping rape culture.